just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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