I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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