Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
