It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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