Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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