Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
