I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
