So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
