i love accidental penises.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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