mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
