wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
