so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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