So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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