i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Damn victory sex feels great
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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