Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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