im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
