The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize