I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
