I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize