My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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