i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
