He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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