To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
