can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
