Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
