We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
