My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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