my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
please don't ironically join a cult
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