VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
areolas are like halos for boobs.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize