My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
