Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
