Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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