My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
