she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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