Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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