the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
sarcasm needs its own font
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
