idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
