so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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