i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
