Can i not drive my cunt home
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think people are normalizing furries
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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