How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
