ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
