I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
