I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
