At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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