I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize