1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
