and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
