I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
