If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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