garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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