you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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