Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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