Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
