i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
