can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just want to make out with him forever
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
