new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
