plz talk dirty to me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize