This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
