She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
