I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
