Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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