its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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