fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
