Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
