His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
