i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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