Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
