I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
