I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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