Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
