You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
