You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
