the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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