She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
