Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's shark week go big or go home
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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