Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize