There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
