Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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