You're my little dorito
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
