I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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