just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
