i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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