some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
