atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
