Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
