Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
