She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
