You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize