Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
