You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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