I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
