I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize