I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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