they need to just BURY HIM!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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