Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize