your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
