I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
