We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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