Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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